7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part One

The post on marriage that I promised a while back is finally here!

I pray that, for those of you that are married, something contained in this piece will speak to you and enable you to make your existing marriage even better than it is. And, if any of you are engaged to be married, I pray that you will take away at least one tip that you'll commit to focusing on as you prepare to spend a lifetime with the love of your life.

While I could've included many more tips aimed at fine-tuning or sharpening one's marriage, I put a lot of thought--maybe even too much thought :)--into selecting seven that I believe I (or my husband, Vince) have personally tried to put into practice. And, to help you remember each of them, I made sure that the first word of each suggestion starts with one of the letters found in the word "sharpen."

(FYI, I intentionally used the word "spouse" throughout the post rather than "husband" in the event that you decide to share this with yours. Who knows? This may even lay a foundation for shared devotional time dedicated to the discussion of marriage or serve as a discussion starter on your next date night.)

The first tip is serve your spouse.

The belief that my husband, Vince, had a servant's heart is one of the first things that attracted me to him. I came to believe this about him at the end of one of the dates we had early in our relationship. I think we had just returned from having brunch at what later became one of our favorite after-church hangouts. We were sitting in his car in front of my house when he did something that totally shocked me. No, he didn't kiss me. He asked if he could pray with me about our relationship.

I'd dated a few guys prior to meeting Vince, but none of them had ever asked if they could pray with me...about anything. As if that weren't enough reason to make me start falling for him, he asked God to help him serve me. I almost couldn't pay attention to the rest of the prayer because, despite the fact that many of my relatives and friends were Christians like I was, I didn't remember ever hearing anyone pray that God would help them serve another person.

After dating for a while, we fell in love. Soon after that, we got engaged. Being the planner that I am, I began to search out books I thought would help us prepare for marriage. One of the books I came across was titled Called Together: A Marriage Preparation Workbook. Written by Steve and Mary Prokopchak, it's a must-have for any couple that desires to lay--or maintain (if they're already married)--a biblical foundation for their marriage.

One section of the book contains an exercise that enables couples to take a look at the three types of love: eros (sensual); phileo (brotherly); and agape (self-giving). It is the latter type that enables married people to serve their spouse. The Prokopchak's say that agape love is "a love that endures even when another person becomes unlovable" and is "like God's love, self-sacrificing and other-centered." In other words, it enables you to serve your spouse even when you feel like they don't deserve to be served.

Closing Thoughts:

So, how does one accomplish this from day to day? By identifying our spouse's needs and interests and putting them ahead of our own from time to time.

For example, when Vince is on his way home from a long day at work, he'll call me to see if I need for him to pick up something from the store, knowing that I'd probably had at least a couple of opportunities to do the same thing during the day. (He may also do this to keep himself from having to go back out later. Just kidding, honey.) Or, when I'm grocery shopping, I may buy a package of sushi or container of flan even though they weren't on my list (and you couldn't pay me enough to eat either) just because I know he enjoys them so much.

Here's another way to think about it: you can serve your spouse by simply doing something for them that they always handle on their own. For example, if they always iron their own clothes or drop them off at the cleaners, take on this responsibility every now and then. You know your spouse's needs, responsibilities, concerns, strengths and challenges better than anyone else. So, only you can know for sure how to best serve your spouse.

Just try every day to do at least one thing that shows your spouse that you're glad they're in your life. And, during those times that you don't really feel this way, pray that God will help you to feel that gladness again and bless your spouse by serving them anyway. I wonder how many times God has been disappointed with our behavior or attitude and blessed us anyway.

Scripture of Encouragement:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)