7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part Three

My third suggestion to spouses that want to sharpen their relationship with their spouse is accept that there are things you can't change about your spouse. Now, I know that for a lot of women--and men, too--this can be a difficult thing to hear. But, I hope that you'll hear me out.

I'm not saying that, if your spouse is mistreating you or disregarding your marriage vows, you should be OK with that. What I am saying is there are certain habits or tendencies that you may have to deal with despite how often you ask (or beg) your loved one to change. Among the marriage experts that have addressed the topic of acceptance in their work is Dennis and Barbara Rainey, authors of the popular book Building Your Mate's Self-Esteem.

While the Raineys offer several suggestions in their book on the topic of accepting your spouse despite your differences, two jumped out at me. First, they suggest that spouses pray for themselves. They say you should "ask God to make you content with your mate as he is," as well as ask Him to examine your attitudes and motives and "give you a greater capacity to understand and accept your mate's differences."

The Raineys also believe you should ask your spouse if you can talk about your concerns with them. If they are willing to listen to you, broach the topic slowly and carefully, "without accusing him and pointing the finger of blame." And, if you don't come across as though your spouse is the only one with imperfections or issues, you'll decrease the liklihood they'll end up being defensive or tuning you out.

One tip that I'd like to add is remain hopeful that your spouse will change, even if if doesn't happen until years after you've started praying for--and asking--them to change. That's what I did while waiting for my husband to stop wearing his shoes around our home. For some people, such a habit may seem trivial. But for a parent that's intentional about keeping contaminants out of their home, the thought of street shoes scooting across the same carpet on which their young children are sitting, playing and laying is disgusting. (If you haven't heard about the different studies that have been done that reveal what comes into a person's home on the soles of their soles, just do a quick internet search. Remember to do this on an empty stomach.)

Now, in fairness to my husband, I thought it would be a good idea to reveal some of my annoying habits that he's had to deal with since we got married. Unfortunately, I've run out of space in this post.

Just kidding.

Among the several things that I came up with that he's tried hard to accept about me are the following:

1. I wear his socks when I don't have a clean pair. (Surprisingly, I often end up receiving several new pair of my own after I've done this.)

2. I often leave lights on in rooms even when I'm not in them. (I may have to return to the room later to retrieve something I've forgotten and don't want to waste time groping in the dark for the light switch or a hard-to-locate lamp knob.)

All joking aside, my husband and I have both learned to accept that there are things about each other that may or may not change in the near future. But, there's one thing about us both that will never change: we're committed to loving each other and not letting any irksome habits or tendencies damage our relationship.

Closing Thoughts:

Has your spouse been doing something lately that's been getting on your nerves? If so, ask God to reveal to you the best way to handle this issue. If you decide to say something about it, pray that He will give you the perfect words to say and the ideal tone with which to express your feelings. If you--and your spouse--would be better off avoiding an actual discussion just yet, pray that God will help you deal with your circumstances and love your spouse until you feel led to initiate a conversation or until the change takes place.

Stay focused on God's love for you and the love He's allowed you and your spouse to feel for each other. And, don't be surprised if God brings about a change in your outlook on your situation before--or instead of--bringing about one in your spouse.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4, NIV)