7 Ways to Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse—Part Five

Marriages are also sharpened or blessed when spouses commit to praying with--and for--one another. Famous marriage expert Dr. James Dobson is confident that communication with God has been the "stabilizing factor" throughout his marriage to his wife Shirley.

In fact, he said in his award-winning book, Love For A Lifetime, that “a meaningful prayer life is essential in maintaining a Christ-centered home.” Dobson, who encourages couples to pray together on a daily basis for “strength and stability,” also says that “being able to bow down in prayer as the day begins or ends gives expression to the frustrations and concerns that might not otherwise be ventilated.”

I have to admit that my husband and I could do better with this. While there are certain times during every day that we’re praying together about something—at mealtime, while doing devotions with our daughters, for safe commuting as we go throughout a given day, etc.—we should be more deliberate about praying specifically for our relationship on a regular basis.

If you've been feeling like this, as well, I encourage you to go out and buy a copy of The Love Dare. The Love Dare is the book that was made popular because of its connection to the hit movie "Fireproof." In it, couples will find a 40-day challenge that's geared toward helping them better understand the meaning of--as well as move them toward practicing--unconditional love. And, one of the topics that it covers is the subject of prayer between husbands and wives.

The author starts out by saying that, for many Godly couples, the daily practice of praying together will "significantly improve" their lives together. The authors say that men and women that pray together end up experiencing such unity that "an intense and powerful connection" forms. Another not-to-be-missed section is the appendix that discusses the "locks and keys" of effective prayer that could prove to be beneficial in all areas of our lives.

In addition to praying with your spouse, I also believe you should pray for them on a regular basis. If things are going well between you and your spouse, you should pray that your relationship will continue to flourish. In other words, you should pray that your spouse will continue to be the kind of person that makes you happy and fulfills you.

On the other hand, if there are things about your relationship with your significant other that you would like to see change or improve, you can commit to praying this will happen. God wants to hear about your concerns and frustrations, as well.

Jewell R. Powell, author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith, believes that prayer is so vital to the health of one’s marriage that she includes many prayers in her book that wives (and husbands) could adapt for their own use as they work through various issues. Among the wide variety of topics that the prayers address are such concerns as the problem of selfishness, a lack of communication, neglecting to remember the promises made on one’s wedding day and failing to live according to God’s word.

While Healthy Habits for Spiritual Growth, which was penned by Luis Palau, isn’t about the institution of marriage, the principles on prayer that are included in the book can also be employed in our relationships with our spouses. First, Palau says we should take the time to pray to God every day. And, he’s referring to setting aside specific slots of time as opposed to quick prayers we may be inclined to spurt out as we’re “rushing around in the morning.” In addition to having a specific time set aside for prayer, he also believes we should pray “during the entire day.” This is what is meant in I Thessalonians 5:17, where we learn we should “pray continually.”

Palau also says we should pray in God’s will. As author and prayer seminar leader Evelyn Christenson said in her book, What Happens When Women Pray, praying in God’s will is not easy—because of our own baggage—but it is “very simple.” And, one of the best guarantees you’ll have at least a modicum of confidence that you’re praying in this way is to become “better acquainted with God’s word,” Palau says.

So, read and commit to memorizing bible verses that help married people know how God feels about the institution of marriage, as well as how he expects wives and husbands to treat one another. Then you’ll be able to ascertain whether your prayers are likely to line up with God’s will for your marriage and, ultimately, your life.

Finally, we learn in Palau’s book that we should pray “with expectancy and thankfulness.” He says we “miss the joy of seeing prayer answered if we don’t consciously watch for signs of God’s intervention.” I agree. Meditate on Colossians 4:2—Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful—to reinforce this principle in your mind.

Closing Thoughts:

For some married people, beginning to incorporate a regular time of prayer with and for your spouse--regardless of the frequency or length of the prayer time--could be challenging. But, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do it. Perhaps you could start off with five minutes at the beginning or end of each day. It's better to start somewhere than not at all! For those that have already been doing this, maybe you could consider increasing the amount of time you spend in prayer or begin to lift up the marriages of loved ones and friends during your prayer time.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16, NIV)