Fruit Of The Spirit Woman

Happy New Year!

2010-01-12T10:07:00.002-06:00

I hope your New Year has gotten off to a great start. If not, begin to make it great today!

If you've been wanting to eat healthier, make some changes in what--and maybe even how much--you eat;

If you've been hoping to get in better shape, buy some workout DVDs or begin working out at your local YMCA, park district or fitness center;

If you've been wanting to make more money, it may be time to start your own home-based business, take on a part-time job, or change jobs;

If you've been desiring to increase your understanding of God's word and will for your life, attend a bible study or purchase resources that will enable you to do your own personal study on a particular topic;

If you've been wanting to develop a more intimate relationship with your spouse, begin to carve out regular times for the two of you to connect;

If you've been desiring to spend more time helping your children grow spiritually, commit to reading the bible with them and praying with them on a daily basis;

If you've been feeling as though you want to have more meaningful relationships with friends, make a point of being more authentic with them and setting aside time to have fun with them.

In other words, if you've been waiting for some particular change to take place, make IT happen this year!

7 Ways to Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse--Part Six

2009-08-11T23:01:00.004-05:00

Parenting experts always advise mothers and fathers to encourage their children. They tell parents through books and seminars that encouraging words and gestures support, cheer on, and shore up their sons and daughters and increase the likelihood they'll develop into confident, well-adjusted adults.

Marriage and family life experts William and Nancy Carmichael felt so strongly about the subject of encouragement that they even dedicated a chapter in their keepsake prayer journal, Lord Bless My Child, to this important character trait.

Titled “Lord, Help My Child To Become An Encourager," the section tells readers that "encouragement is a wonderful gift" that "we must nurture." Why? Because when we give it, we "offer life to someone--strength to go on."

While parents should offer encouragement to their offspring, husbands and wives also should encourage one another. I admit this won't always be easy; sometimes a spouse's personality flaws or quirky habits will make doing this extremely difficult. But, during those times, we aren't excused from being encouraging. We may just find ourselves praying a little harder and a little longer that God will give us exactly what we need in order to reach out to them.

In his book Staying In Love For A Lifetime, Dr. Ed Wheat includes the act of encouraging one’s spouse among his many tips on how to preserve and improve a marriage. In a section especially for newlyweds, he says spouses should strive to “touch” one another emotionally by encouraging and giving their partner “the gift of sympathetic understanding.”

He believes that watching what you say to your partner and praising them will build them up and, ultimately, lead to increased intimacy. And, that’s an important ingredient regardless of whether you’re newly married or have been married for a long time.

New parents should also be intentional about encouraging one another. Although women will likely receive compliments and supportive comments from their own mother and other moms they know, they also want to hear these types of statements from their husbands. Likewise, men also need confirmation that they’re developing into excellent parents and are just as vital to the rearing of their children as their wives are.

This is why Dr. Mark Crawford, author of When Two Becomes Three, addressed this topic in his book. In it, he says it’s important for wives to “encourage and allow” their husbands to be dads, even if they handle child-rearing responsibilities differently. He believes this makes it possible for husbands to “follow” their wives into parenthood and allows them to feel like they’re “an integral part” of the parenting team. And, being part of the team early on is instrumental in the development of the very important father-child bond.

Encouraging one’s spouse is also important during those times when he or she is facing a troubling situation or circumstance, such as job-related stress, financial worries, or the failing health of a parent. That’s when the gift of encouragement takes on even more significance and brings to light words found in the Carmichaels’ book: “at its very heart, encouragement is generosity of spirit—offering to someone else the courage to go on…”

While encouraging one’s spouse during significant phases or changes in life is important, what’s even more important to most of us is that our mates bring Hebrews 3:13 to life and encourage us on a daily basis. A few simple ways to do this are to place handwritten notes containing compliments in places where your spouse will find them, such as your wife’s purse or your husband’s briefcase. You can even tuck them into your spouse’s suitcase before they go out of town on a business trip or into their lunch bag if you pack their lunches for them.

If your spouse needs to work on improving their health, you could encourage them in their efforts by offering to make little changes in the way you prepare family meals. You also could suggest that the two of you begin exercising together or even sign up to take a workout class together at your local fitness center or recreational facility.

If your loved one is feeling down about themselves or their life in general, you could commit to looking for opportunities to offer genuine, verbal compliments about their appearance, their character, their talents, or even the way they take care of you and your family. It's not hard to come up with ways to encourage one's spouse; all we need to do is identify ways to show them they’re valued and are not alone as they go through life.

Closing Thoughts:

If you’re already making a habit of encouraging your husband or wife, please keep it up. They are a better person because of this. However, if you can’t think of the last time you were intentional about reaching out to your mate in this way, please begin today to do things differently…for their sake and for the sake of your family.

Also, try to refrain from being overly critical of your loved one, both in the privacy of your own home and in front of others. Unless you had some very unusual and unbiblical wedding vows the day you married, I’m pretty sure they didn’t include the promise to tear one another down verbally or emotionally. If you have trouble doing this on your own, consider finding a marriage counselor who will assist you in developing healthier, more constructive ways to interact with your spouse.

Scripture of Encouragement:

“A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4, NIV)

7 Ways to Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse—Part Five

2009-06-24T18:25:00.005-05:00

Marriages are also sharpened or blessed when spouses commit to praying with--and for--one another. Famous marriage expert Dr. James Dobson is confident that communication with God has been the "stabilizing factor" throughout his marriage to his wife Shirley.

In fact, he said in his award-winning book, Love For A Lifetime, that “a meaningful prayer life is essential in maintaining a Christ-centered home.” Dobson, who encourages couples to pray together on a daily basis for “strength and stability,” also says that “being able to bow down in prayer as the day begins or ends gives expression to the frustrations and concerns that might not otherwise be ventilated.”

I have to admit that my husband and I could do better with this. While there are certain times during every day that we’re praying together about something—at mealtime, while doing devotions with our daughters, for safe commuting as we go throughout a given day, etc.—we should be more deliberate about praying specifically for our relationship on a regular basis.

If you've been feeling like this, as well, I encourage you to go out and buy a copy of The Love Dare. The Love Dare is the book that was made popular because of its connection to the hit movie "Fireproof." In it, couples will find a 40-day challenge that's geared toward helping them better understand the meaning of--as well as move them toward practicing--unconditional love. And, one of the topics that it covers is the subject of prayer between husbands and wives.

The author starts out by saying that, for many Godly couples, the daily practice of praying together will "significantly improve" their lives together. The authors say that men and women that pray together end up experiencing such unity that "an intense and powerful connection" forms. Another not-to-be-missed section is the appendix that discusses the "locks and keys" of effective prayer that could prove to be beneficial in all areas of our lives.

In addition to praying with your spouse, I also believe you should pray for them on a regular basis. If things are going well between you and your spouse, you should pray that your relationship will continue to flourish. In other words, you should pray that your spouse will continue to be the kind of person that makes you happy and fulfills you.

On the other hand, if there are things about your relationship with your significant other that you would like to see change or improve, you can commit to praying this will happen. God wants to hear about your concerns and frustrations, as well.

Jewell R. Powell, author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith, believes that prayer is so vital to the health of one’s marriage that she includes many prayers in her book that wives (and husbands) could adapt for their own use as they work through various issues. Among the wide variety of topics that the prayers address are such concerns as the problem of selfishness, a lack of communication, neglecting to remember the promises made on one’s wedding day and failing to live according to God’s word.

While Healthy Habits for Spiritual Growth, which was penned by Luis Palau, isn’t about the institution of marriage, the principles on prayer that are included in the book can also be employed in our relationships with our spouses. First, Palau says we should take the time to pray to God every day. And, he’s referring to setting aside specific slots of time as opposed to quick prayers we may be inclined to spurt out as we’re “rushing around in the morning.” In addition to having a specific time set aside for prayer, he also believes we should pray “during the entire day.” This is what is meant in I Thessalonians 5:17, where we learn we should “pray continually.”

Palau also says we should pray in God’s will. As author and prayer seminar leader Evelyn Christenson said in her book, What Happens When Women Pray, praying in God’s will is not easy—because of our own baggage—but it is “very simple.” And, one of the best guarantees you’ll have at least a modicum of confidence that you’re praying in this way is to become “better acquainted with God’s word,” Palau says.

So, read and commit to memorizing bible verses that help married people know how God feels about the institution of marriage, as well as how he expects wives and husbands to treat one another. Then you’ll be able to ascertain whether your prayers are likely to line up with God’s will for your marriage and, ultimately, your life.

Finally, we learn in Palau’s book that we should pray “with expectancy and thankfulness.” He says we “miss the joy of seeing prayer answered if we don’t consciously watch for signs of God’s intervention.” I agree. Meditate on Colossians 4:2—Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful—to reinforce this principle in your mind.

Closing Thoughts:

For some married people, beginning to incorporate a regular time of prayer with and for your spouse--regardless of the frequency or length of the prayer time--could be challenging. But, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do it. Perhaps you could start off with five minutes at the beginning or end of each day. It's better to start somewhere than not at all! For those that have already been doing this, maybe you could consider increasing the amount of time you spend in prayer or begin to lift up the marriages of loved ones and friends during your prayer time.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16, NIV)

7 Ways to Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse—Part Four

2009-01-26T17:12:00.027-06:00

One other way to sharpen or enhance your relationship with your spouse is respect them. Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate® Dictionary says that when you respect another person you consider them “worthy of high regard” or “esteem” them. So, how does this look when lived out in a relationship between husbands and wives?

When we highly regard or esteem another person, we place great value on them. So, if our spouse is dear to us, we must be intentional about showing them they hold a special place in our hearts and lives. This is particularly true during those times that it would be more natural for us to disrespect them because they’re not behaving--or treating us--the way we feel they should. This isn't always easy to do, but I'd like to offer a few suggestions you may find helpful:

First, refrain from bringing up past mistakes over and over again. Some women and men inadvertently bring up previously dealt with issues when they’re upset because it’s during those times that memories of those things seem to find their way back into the forefront of our minds. But, during heated discussions or arguments, past mistakes should be left in the past where they belong. Present day issues or problems can be weighty enough on their own. You don’t want to make them even harder to deal with by piling bad memories from the past on top of them.

I’m also convinced you should avoid complaining about your spouse to others. My parents have been married for almost 43 years and have experienced their share of disagreements, but I don’t ever remember hearing my mom badmouth my dad to a relative or friend. Why? Because she believes that, unless the health and well-being of a person—or that of their children—is at risk, there is rarely a need to bring outsiders into most issues that arise between spouses.

Now, I must admit I’ll occasionally tell others about one thing Vince does that annoys me: he'll repeatedly turn from a television show when it goes to a commercial break so he can keep track of what's happening on another channel (or two). (Does this sound familiar to anyone?) But, I don't broadcast to outsiders (translation: ANYONE that doesn’t live in our home) serious complaints about him that would embarrass or humiliate him, even if venting about him might make me feel better. I sure wouldn’t want him to complain about my annoying habit of…well, never mind. (After all, this isn’t about me.)

But, seriously, confiding in a carefully selected, trusted friend, mentor, counselor or pastor is often seen by experts as being a good thing. However, repeatedly griping or grumbling about a variety of issues you have with your spouse to multiple acquaintances is not. I’m sure that many small relationship issues have become major marital crises because of comments—or even gossip—shared by a married person’s well-meaning neighbor, co-worker or church member who just had to voice their opinion about a situation they knew little about.

Additionally, resist the temptation to argue with your spouse in front of others. Now, I don’t mean you shouldn’t ever voice your own opinion or that you should always agree with everything your loved one says. I’m simply saying that, during those times that a conversation with your spouse begins to become argumentative or confrontational, it might be a good idea to politely offer one of those “let’s agree to disagree” statements and carefully direct the attention of the conversation to someone else or another topic. Onlookers will likely see you as a smart person who’s able to keep her cool in the midst of an uncomfortable situation rather than someone who turned a potentially awkward moment into an opportunity to attack her spouse.

Oh, and one more thing…please don’t share secrets your loved one has asked you to keep to yourself. Doing so could hurt them, as well as cause them to not trust you in the future with such information. And, this could seriously damage your relationship.

Closing Thoughts:

While many married people already have a good handle on what it means to show respect to their spouse, all of us benefit from the occasional reminder about how to make this happen in our own relationships. And, one person that recognizes the important part that respect plays in a relationship is Ellie Kay, who wrote The New Bride Guide: Everything You Need to Know About the First Year of Marriage, a few years ago. In her book, which would be a helpful resource even for couples that have been married a while, she says, “Men don’t just want respect from their brides, they actually need it to feel they are important and that what they do matters.” I know plenty of women that feel the same way.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:33, NIV)

I Want To Hear From You!

2009-01-06T11:54:00.003-06:00

It's been quite a while since I included a poll in my blog, so I thought that now--the beginning of the new year--would be a good time to create another one.

The new poll, which you can find below on the left of the page, will allow you to tell me about your New Year's Resolution(s). And, if you've resolved to do something that's not listed among the answers in my poll--or if you refrain from making resolutions--you'll still be able to participate in the poll.

(Note: Individual answers, names of respondents, etc., will be unknown to me and will remain confidential.)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-06T09:55:00.004-06:00

I hope that you and everyone that is dear to you will have a safe, healthy, joy-filled, productive, and prosperous New Year!

P.S. I haven't forgotten that I still have four more posts to publish before the piece on sharpening your relationship with your spouse is completed. The fourth one, "Respect Your Spouse," will be published soon.

7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part Three

2008-10-13T17:35:00.000-05:00

My third suggestion to spouses that want to sharpen their relationship with their spouse is accept that there are things you can't change about your spouse. Now, I know that for a lot of women--and men, too--this can be a difficult thing to hear. But, I hope that you'll hear me out.

I'm not saying that, if your spouse is mistreating you or disregarding your marriage vows, you should be OK with that. What I am saying is there are certain habits or tendencies that you may have to deal with despite how often you ask (or beg) your loved one to change. Among the marriage experts that have addressed the topic of acceptance in their work is Dennis and Barbara Rainey, authors of the popular book Building Your Mate's Self-Esteem.

While the Raineys offer several suggestions in their book on the topic of accepting your spouse despite your differences, two jumped out at me. First, they suggest that spouses pray for themselves. They say you should "ask God to make you content with your mate as he is," as well as ask Him to examine your attitudes and motives and "give you a greater capacity to understand and accept your mate's differences."

The Raineys also believe you should ask your spouse if you can talk about your concerns with them. If they are willing to listen to you, broach the topic slowly and carefully, "without accusing him and pointing the finger of blame." And, if you don't come across as though your spouse is the only one with imperfections or issues, you'll decrease the liklihood they'll end up being defensive or tuning you out.

One tip that I'd like to add is remain hopeful that your spouse will change, even if if doesn't happen until years after you've started praying for--and asking--them to change. That's what I did while waiting for my husband to stop wearing his shoes around our home. For some people, such a habit may seem trivial. But for a parent that's intentional about keeping contaminants out of their home, the thought of street shoes scooting across the same carpet on which their young children are sitting, playing and laying is disgusting. (If you haven't heard about the different studies that have been done that reveal what comes into a person's home on the soles of their soles, just do a quick internet search. Remember to do this on an empty stomach.)

Now, in fairness to my husband, I thought it would be a good idea to reveal some of my annoying habits that he's had to deal with since we got married. Unfortunately, I've run out of space in this post.

Just kidding.

Among the several things that I came up with that he's tried hard to accept about me are the following:

1. I wear his socks when I don't have a clean pair. (Surprisingly, I often end up receiving several new pair of my own after I've done this.)

2. I often leave lights on in rooms even when I'm not in them. (I may have to return to the room later to retrieve something I've forgotten and don't want to waste time groping in the dark for the light switch or a hard-to-locate lamp knob.)

All joking aside, my husband and I have both learned to accept that there are things about each other that may or may not change in the near future. But, there's one thing about us both that will never change: we're committed to loving each other and not letting any irksome habits or tendencies damage our relationship.

Closing Thoughts:

Has your spouse been doing something lately that's been getting on your nerves? If so, ask God to reveal to you the best way to handle this issue. If you decide to say something about it, pray that He will give you the perfect words to say and the ideal tone with which to express your feelings. If you--and your spouse--would be better off avoiding an actual discussion just yet, pray that God will help you deal with your circumstances and love your spouse until you feel led to initiate a conversation or until the change takes place.

Stay focused on God's love for you and the love He's allowed you and your spouse to feel for each other. And, don't be surprised if God brings about a change in your outlook on your situation before--or instead of--bringing about one in your spouse.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4, NIV)

7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part Two

2008-09-23T03:32:00.003-05:00

The second tip I'd like to offer to anyone wanting to sharpen their relationship with their spouse is have fun with them. Many married women and men, not to mention experts on the subject of marriage, believe this is key to maintaining a healthy, vibrant relationship. One person that seems to feel this way is author and MOPS speaker Lorilee Craker.

In her book, Date Night In A Minivan, that was released earlier this year, Craker offers a variety of tips geared toward helping husbands and wives reclaim the relationship they had before their children arrived. And, one of the suggestions she included was "do something you love together."

According to Craker, she and her husband are quite different. She's a left-handed city girl from Canada who enjoys romantic movies, musicals and hockey, while he's a right-handed, American-born outdoorsman that likes action films, plays, and football. However, they both like rock 'n roll music.

Although she and her husband don't tend to favor the same recording artists, their appreciation of this type of music is "a communal passion" that Craker says they love to pursue together. It's the reason behind their trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and has been the motivation behind many CD purchases for one another. Craker is also an entertainment reporter for a local publication and her husband often has the opportunity to accompany her when she attends concerts. It's during the drive home after some of these shows that Craker says she and her husband have enjoyed some of their "closest times."

Closing Thoughts:

Do you and your spouse currently have any common interests or activities that you enjoy doing together? If not, it's time that you find some. To get your started on your way, I've drafted a short list of ideas for you to consider:

Play outside together. No, I'm not saying you should chase your spouse around your yard (not unless the two of you think that would be fun). I'm simply encouraging you to think of activities that you could do together outdoors. You could go for a walk at the local park, ride bikes together, play miniature golf or visit an amusement park. Spending time outdoors gives husbands and wives a chance to enjoy God's creation while enriching their relationship with their spouse.

Take lessons together. If you've ever wanted to learn something new or hone existing skills, why not see if your spouse will join you? You could take dance or music lessons together at your local community college or university. Or, you could sign up for an art or gourmet cooking class at a nearby neighborhood recreation center. Many couples find studying--and practicing what they've learned--together a lot of fun.

Start a club together. You and your spouse may want to consider starting a club with other couples you know that share a common interest, such as a love of books, traveling, bible study, etc. You could come up with discussion points and agree to meet monthly at a mutually-decided upon location (e.g., your home, a local restaurant or library, etc.). So, this activity could edify your marriage and create new--or deeper--friendships with couples you know.

Attend a marriage conference/retreat together. If you've never been to a marriage event, I encourage you to try to attend one in the very near future. I know you and your spouse will be blessed by the topics covered and by the chance to spend some uninterrupted time together. And, if you've gone to one in the past, it may be time for a little refresher. Vince and I have attended a few conferences and seminars in the past--and even helped coordinate a couple of workshops at the church we used to attend--and we've always walked away from these experiences feeling even closer than we already did.

If none of these ideas interest you, I encourage you to work with your spouse to come up with your own list of fun activities. (And, after writing this, I'm reminded of the fact that Vince and I need to work on ours, too!) Isn't that what friends do when they want to spend time with one another? The key is simply to keep in mind that your goal is to have more fun with your spouse, your best friend.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"This is my lover, this is my friend..." (Song of Solomon 5:13b, NIV)

7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part One

2008-09-19T13:00:00.007-05:00

The post on marriage that I promised a while back is finally here!

I pray that, for those of you that are married, something contained in this piece will speak to you and enable you to make your existing marriage even better than it is. And, if any of you are engaged to be married, I pray that you will take away at least one tip that you'll commit to focusing on as you prepare to spend a lifetime with the love of your life.

While I could've included many more tips aimed at fine-tuning or sharpening one's marriage, I put a lot of thought--maybe even too much thought :)--into selecting seven that I believe I (or my husband, Vince) have personally tried to put into practice. And, to help you remember each of them, I made sure that the first word of each suggestion starts with one of the letters found in the word "sharpen."

(FYI, I intentionally used the word "spouse" throughout the post rather than "husband" in the event that you decide to share this with yours. Who knows? This may even lay a foundation for shared devotional time dedicated to the discussion of marriage or serve as a discussion starter on your next date night.)

The first tip is serve your spouse.

The belief that my husband, Vince, had a servant's heart is one of the first things that attracted me to him. I came to believe this about him at the end of one of the dates we had early in our relationship. I think we had just returned from having brunch at what later became one of our favorite after-church hangouts. We were sitting in his car in front of my house when he did something that totally shocked me. No, he didn't kiss me. He asked if he could pray with me about our relationship.

I'd dated a few guys prior to meeting Vince, but none of them had ever asked if they could pray with me...about anything. As if that weren't enough reason to make me start falling for him, he asked God to help him serve me. I almost couldn't pay attention to the rest of the prayer because, despite the fact that many of my relatives and friends were Christians like I was, I didn't remember ever hearing anyone pray that God would help them serve another person.

After dating for a while, we fell in love. Soon after that, we got engaged. Being the planner that I am, I began to search out books I thought would help us prepare for marriage. One of the books I came across was titled Called Together: A Marriage Preparation Workbook. Written by Steve and Mary Prokopchak, it's a must-have for any couple that desires to lay--or maintain (if they're already married)--a biblical foundation for their marriage.

One section of the book contains an exercise that enables couples to take a look at the three types of love: eros (sensual); phileo (brotherly); and agape (self-giving). It is the latter type that enables married people to serve their spouse. The Prokopchak's say that agape love is "a love that endures even when another person becomes unlovable" and is "like God's love, self-sacrificing and other-centered." In other words, it enables you to serve your spouse even when you feel like they don't deserve to be served.

Closing Thoughts:

So, how does one accomplish this from day to day? By identifying our spouse's needs and interests and putting them ahead of our own from time to time.

For example, when Vince is on his way home from a long day at work, he'll call me to see if I need for him to pick up something from the store, knowing that I'd probably had at least a couple of opportunities to do the same thing during the day. (He may also do this to keep himself from having to go back out later. Just kidding, honey.) Or, when I'm grocery shopping, I may buy a package of sushi or container of flan even though they weren't on my list (and you couldn't pay me enough to eat either) just because I know he enjoys them so much.

Here's another way to think about it: you can serve your spouse by simply doing something for them that they always handle on their own. For example, if they always iron their own clothes or drop them off at the cleaners, take on this responsibility every now and then. You know your spouse's needs, responsibilities, concerns, strengths and challenges better than anyone else. So, only you can know for sure how to best serve your spouse.

Just try every day to do at least one thing that shows your spouse that you're glad they're in your life. And, during those times that you don't really feel this way, pray that God will help you to feel that gladness again and bless your spouse by serving them anyway. I wonder how many times God has been disappointed with our behavior or attitude and blessed us anyway.

Scripture of Encouragement:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)

Announcing...The Return Of My Blog

2008-09-09T12:21:00.000-05:00

After a brief sabbatical, my Fruit Of The Spirit Woman blog will return very soon.

Much to my surprise, I just haven't felt like writing much lately. And, rather than posting something here that I'd later consider substandard, I decided to wait until I felt I had a clear message to share with you. Now it seems I have a lot to say!

For starters, I've been working on the marriage piece that I promised to write. It is titled 7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse. It will probably be divided into two parts, the first of which will be published in my next blog.

Additionally, with the recent passing of two of my cousins in less than a week's time, I've also been thinking a lot about the importance of staying connected with the people that God has placed in our lives to be our relatives. I'm still processing all of the various emotions, thoughts, and questions that surfaced recently, so I'm not sure how I'll tackle this topic. But, I do pray and hope that the blogs that emerge from these experiences will bless you.

In the meantime, I'd like to offer these words of encouragement to anyone who's reading this and feeling overwhelmed by what's going on in their life right now: God cares for you. So, don't try to manage or handle things on your own. Do as the Bible instructs us to do in I Peter 5:7 and "cast all your cares" upon him. The words of a Gospel song that my sister sang at the latter of the two funerals we recently attended titled "He Cares" serve as an excellent reminder of this:

So, you think that you can't make it through?
And you feel like all hope is gone?
Just remember that God cares for you.
And, he knows just what's best for you.
He cares...he cares for you!

Yes, he really does care for you...and so do I.

Trust God

2008-08-08T11:11:00.002-05:00

My family and I recently spent some time in sunny Southern California. Although the bulk of my trip memories are good ones, there were a few moments during our stay—as well as during our return flight—that could have really rattled my nerves.

For starters, we were out there when the recent earthquake took place. I was sitting on the couch in our hotel suite next to my oldest daughter when it occurred. At first, I heard a loud, continuous, rumbling noise that sounded like a huge garbage bin was being pushed down the street. Then, my feet started bouncing around as if they belonged to an out-of-control marionette. It wasn’t until I noticed that the loveseat my youngest daughter was sitting on was moving that I realized we were experiencing an earthquake. And, when the housekeeper that was cleaning our room began to frantically motion for us to come out of the room with her, it finally hit me that something serious was taking place.

Although the area we were in didn’t sustain significant damage, the possibility of an aftershock—which could’ve been even more intense—concerned me a little. Over the next several days, I analyzed any rumbling that I heard.

Ironically, just days prior to the earthquake, I found myself watching out for another type of sound—that of a helicopter circling above. You see, one evening, as we were driving to meet some friends for dinner, I noticed a man running down a street. I never saw his face, but I did see that a police officer was chasing him.

Seconds later, we realized that a helicopter was circling above as if an aerial search was being conducted in an attempt to catch the man. So, for days I wondered if every helicopter I saw in the area was still searching for him or simply analyzing and reporting on traffic conditions on the busy California expressways.

In addition, our return flight home was an unexpectedly adventurous one. Because of inclement weather conditions throughout the region in which we live, we experienced a little turbulence from time to time. We then ended up having to circle the area while the pilot waited for the go-ahead to land. But, since we did that for such a long time, the plane started running low on gas and had to land at another airport to refuel.

Once we'd refueled, we headed back toward our own airport. Unfortunately, because of the storm, the terminal was closed when we landed so we still couldn't de-plane for a while.

Despite the above incidences, I’d take another trip to California this weekend if I could afford to do so. Sure, those events could’ve shaken me to the point that I wouldn’t want to go back out there any time soon. But, I don't want to let the fear that something unfortunate "could possibly" happen to me while traveling override the joy I feel when I think about how many good things "will definitely" happen for me when I travel. In other words, even at those times that I feel a little scared, I try to make the decision to trust that God will take care of me and those I love.

You know, when I sat down to write this post just now, Crystal Lewis’ song Trust Me--a slow, melodic song that she wrote--came to mind and I wished I could play it. (I sometimes like to listen to music when I’m writing.) However, since I didn't put the CD on which it’s featured (Fearless) back in its case the last time I listened to it, I hadn't been able to find it. Much to my excitment, I just found it!

After inserting the disc into my CD drive, I attempted to thumb through the enclosed booklet of lyrics and it opened to Trust Me. I’m not sure why I even opened the booklet; I know all the lyrics to that song! Maybe it happened so that I'd read through them and gain an even greater appreciation for them. You see, I noticed some parallels between my recent experiences and the words to the song that made me even more grateful for God's provision and safety during our recent trip.

For example, one of the verses of the song—which is written as if God is speaking to His children—includes the following lyrics: “Don’t worry…You’re safe with me around…Rest assured I’m on your side…I won’t let you hit the ground…But close as it seems…Trust Me.” Another one says, “Don’t fret…I’ve been before through these valleys, down these long and dangerous roads…Yet dark as they seem…Trust Me.” And, that's what God wants us to do each and every day of our lives, with every facet of our lives.

Closing Thought:

Are you experiencing anxiety right now about any particular thing—your own physical safety or that of your loved ones, your family’s financial health, the security of your job, etc.? If so, do as the Bible instructs us to do in Philippians 4:6-7 when we’re anxious about something and “pray” to God about it. Talk to God and ask Him to take away the worry and replace it with whatever you believe you need in a particular situation. Lean on Him for strength. Turn to Him for wisdom. Rely on Him for peace. In other words, trust Him. Trust Him to be the same loving, gracious, merciful, awesome God He’s always been.

Scripture of Encouragement:

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'” (Psalm 91:1, 2, NIV)

Fruit Of The Spirit Woman Will Return Next Week

2008-07-30T13:50:00.002-05:00

Hello friends! I just wanted to let you know that "Fruit Of The Spirit Woman" will return next week.

Thanks again to everyone that has shared comments about how the blog has ministered to them. I thank God for your feedback.

I hope you're enjoying your week!

Yesterday Is Gone: Let Old Mistakes Rest In Peace (Part Two)

2008-07-19T14:05:00.001-05:00

(This is the continuation of the "Yesterday Is Gone" post that I made the other day. I apologize for the delay in publishing it.)

Following are a few tips I hope will help you if you've struggled with guilt like I once did. They occurred to me one day as I sat down and tried to figure out if there was something I could do in order to be able to kick out the guilt that had taken up residence in my life.

First, I focused on previous prayers of confession and asked myself, "Were they really sincere?" In case they weren't, I talked honestly with God about my regret over straying out of His will. Psalm 32:3-5 (NIV) says this about confession: When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"--and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Next, I worked at convincing myself that, once I'd confessed and repented of (or turned away from) specific sins, God had forgiven them. I John 1:9 (NIV) helped in this area by revealing, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Finally, I had to learn to forgive myself when I messed up. This was a challenge for me since I'd often find it easier to forgive others than forgive myself. But, if my Heavenly Father--who hates sin--could forgive me, I should be able to forgive myself.

Although this wasn't usually the case for me, for some people, the guilt they're feeling may stem from the fact that they hurt someone and never apologized. A visit, phone call, letter or e-mail to the person who was offended might make a difference. On the other hand, apologizing as soon as the hurt occurs is an even shorter road to forgiveness and healing. An incident between a young woman I know--I'll call her Gigi, for the sake of her privacy--and her mother demonstrates the effectiveness of this approach.

While on a weekend road trip with her husband, their son and daughter, and her parents, Gigi misplaced her purse. When they began looking for it, the woman's mother began to berate the young woman about her tendency to lose things. Gigi took offense and vented her frustration by hollering at her mom. When Gigi realized what she'd done, she apologized for her rude response, even though she had been provoked. Expressing regret over her words soon after they'd flown out of her mouth--rather than after they'd returned home (or some time later)--honored her mother and kept the long car ride home from turning into an uncomfortable one.

Other times, sharing a burdensome secret about ourselves with an understanding and trusted fellow believer who'll pray with us about it can help. James 5:16 (NIV) says: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I find special comfort in talking with my husband, my sister, and my mom when I'm bothered by something I've done. Others may opt to talk with a best friend, a prayer partner or a minister at their church. Just remember to seek God's direction before choosing a confidant and pouring out your heart to them. You'll want the Holy Spirit to go before you to pave the way for a conversation characterized by love, compassion and emotional healing, not one filled with tension or embarrassment.

Closing Thoughts:

However God leads you to deal with past mistakes, please remind yourself that yesterday is gone. We can't keep beating ourselves up about things we did 10 years ago, one year ago, last month or 24 hours ago. God loves us; we are special to Him. He alone can help us break any chains of guilt that could keep us shackled to the past. If we keep reviving disturbing memories about the past, they'll weigh us down and keep us from experiencing the abundant, joy-filled life that comes from knowing a loving--and forgiving--God.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. (Jeremiah 33:8, NIV)

Yesterday Is Gone: Let Old Mistakes Rest In Peace

2008-07-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

Dear God, I'm so sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me for messing up and help me become a better person. Amen.

Have you ever said a prayer like that? If so, how many times do you feel you need to repeat it before God accepts it? Years ago, I would pray about the same mistakes repeatedly and I'm not sure why I did that. Perhaps it was due to a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of Paul's instructions in I Thessalonians 5:17 to "pray continually." Or, maybe I just had so much guilt that I felt I should keep praying about the various ways I felt I'd messed up.

When I was a child, I went to church every Sunday. But, I rarely read the little white, gold-rimmed King James Bible that I'd once received as a gift. It wasn't until after asking Jesus Christ into my heart years later--and receiving a large, hardcover, navy blue New International Version study Bible--that I began to learn for myself what it meant to be a Christian. And, one thing I learned while engaging in hours of personal bible study was that everyone sins.

Simply put, sins are willful violations of God's commands. They damage our relationship with God, our image of ourselves, as well as our ability to relate to others. So, maybe I'd repeatedly pray about my mistakes because I realized they had far-reaching consequences.

Fortunately, one day I also came to the realization that I don't need to pray about the same old mistakes like I'm a CD player stuck in "repeat mode." If I'm sincere the first time I lift up a prayer, God hears it. In other words, it occurred to me that I must leave past mistakes where they belong--behind me. Yes, God wants us to turn from our sins and regret that we made them, but I don't believe He wants us to live a life that is soiled with--or weighed down by--guilt over things we did long ago. Living like this would be as profitable to us as lugging around an overstuffed, rancid garbage bag from place to place every day.

Closing Thoughts:

Have you been doing that? If so, please take note of this next statement: you don't have to live that way. You don't have to keep reliving past mistakes and conjuring up more and more guilt with each passing day. While it may be impossible to forget some previous mistakes, a life in Christ doesn't have to revolve around them. If you're ready to lay your old mistakes to rest, come back tomorrow and I'll share a few tips with you on how to begin to do that.

Verse of Encouragement:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! II Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

Are You Living Life Deliberately?--Part Four

2008-07-09T18:42:00.000-05:00

(*This is the final posting for my four-part "Are You Living Life Deliberately?" series.)

Thanks to my maternal grandmother, I grew up knowing that wasting food was a bad thing. Although she never forced any of her four grandchildren to eat every single morsel of food we were served while dining at her house, she would say something if we didn't make an attempt to eat what she'd prepared for us. And, more likely than not, her comments contained a reminder that lots of people didn't have healthy home-cooked meals like the ones we had. In other words, she wanted us to show we appreciated the fact that she had invested money, time and energy into the meals we enjoyed at her house.

For the record, my grandmother was an amazing cook. To this day, one of my favorite meals is chicken, mashed potatoes, and greens, thanks to her. And, although she passed away more than 20 years ago, I can still taste her peach cobbler and banana pudding. All I have to do is look at photos from my childhood and I'm quickly reminded of just how much I loved her cooking! So, those comments about not wasting food were rarely said directly to me.

As I've gotten older, my eyes have been opened to other ways that people can be wasteful. And, if any of us were asked to make a list of all the things we waste in a given year, I'm sure we'd be too embarrassed to show it to anyone. Some common entries on the lists would probably be such things as time, money, skills, and talents.

When we are wasteful, we squander what God has given to us to be a blessing to us. According to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, to squander is to "spend extravagantly or foolishly" or "to lose (as an advantage or opportunity) through negligence or inaction." Although this is bound to happen from time to time, we should do our best to not let it be a way of life for us. We should want to be known as conquerors, not squanderers.

Maybe reminding ourselves to be more prudent from day to day would be helpful. Posting a Bible verse such as Proverbs 12:27 on a mirror, refrigerator door, or some other surface we see a couple of times a day may be a good idea. The New International Version (NIV) of this verse reads, "The lazy man does not roast his game, but the diligent man prizes his possessions," while the King James Version (KJV) says, "The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious."

Since I enjoy eating food so much, it's hard for me to imagine that a person could have a potentially delicious meal in front of them and not do what is necessary for them to enjoy it. But, that's exactly what we do when we waste the blessings God sends to us for our use and enjoyment.

Closing Thought:

If you feel you've been squandering your time, money, relationships, talents, etc., it's time to make a change. And, if you've been allowing something--a habit, frame of mind, person, etc.--to distract you from doing what's really important to you, analyze why you've allowed that to happen and pray that God will help you break free from its grip. If you feel comfortable sharing your desire for change with a loved one, trusted friend, or prayer partner, do so. Ask them to keep you accountable and offer words of encouragement when you're in need of motivation.

Verse of Encouragement:

"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity,..." (Ephesians 5:15-16a, NIV)

Are You Living Life Deliberately?--Part Three

2008-07-07T14:22:00.000-05:00

I also believe I've been guilty of waiting for things to happen from time to time. What I mean by this is, there have been times when I felt like I was holding out on making a major decision because I thought I should wait to receive a "divine sign" from God. But, sometimes we simply need to take action in a particular situation and not stand still waiting for the help or answer that God has already given us.

In Exodus 14:13-14, we read that Moses told the Israelites the LORD would fight for them and that they only needed to "be still" when the Egyptians were coming after them. But, in verse 15, God asked Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on." They did and, with God's help, made it to safety.

I'm sure part of my reason for wanting to hear from God in a big way was that I'd always be amazed whenever I heard someone had received what they thought to be a direct message from God or a tangible, spectacular answer to a prayer. (Some of the experiences biblical figures had probably contributed to this a little.) But, those stories were theirs. They weren't mine. God has written a unique story for my life. (And, yours, too.)

Although some answers to prayer are absolutely amazing, chances are, most won't typically be considered newsworthy enough to be included on any of the network news programs or top-rated talk shows. While God can--and will--sometimes speak directly to His children, I believe that, more often than not, we hear from Him through other means. We hear from Him when we study the Bible, learn from Holy Spirit-filled pastors/ministers, receive counsel from reputable Christian counselors, obtain advice from spiritually-mature believers, and so on.

You know, I also feel as though I hear from God when I'm talking to my children about their behavior...or should I say misbehavior. Quite often, the words I say to them are statements God could be saying to me! For those of you that are parents, see if this holds true for you the next time you're reprimanding your children about doing something they weren't supposed to do or failing to do something they were supposed to do.

Closing Thought:

God communicates His unending love for us--and His unique will for our lives--whenever and however He chooses. He may speak to us in way that is loud and bold, or He may do so quietly and gently. But, one thing is certain: the relationships He has with us don't have to be spectacular in order to be "special."

Verse of Encouragement:

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13, NIV)

Are You Living Life Deliberately?--Part Two (revised ed.)

2008-07-03T17:10:00.004-05:00

Cruising on autopilot was another habit that I believe was keeping me from living life deliberately. I think this sometimes happened when I was feeling overwhelmed by what was going on in my life, such as experiencing a relocation, starting a new job, having a baby, etc.

It also can happen when a person feels they must handle multiple tasks each and every second of their waking hours. While such a mindset may initially seem to be a good idea, many times people (like me) find they're really not as productive as they think because they end up accepting--and dishing out--information without taking the time and mental energy to accurately process it.

Thanks to overcrowded schedules, lengthy "to do" lists, and over-inflated expectations of ourselves, many of us are walking around like this on a daily basis. We don't intend to have cloudy thinking and tune out the people or things that are important to us; this inadvertently happens as we search for ways to maintain our sanity in the midst of frantic, unbalanced lifestyles. But, as that old saying goes, "To fail to think is to prepare to sink." '

Although that quote provided some motivation to begin to approach each day with more clarity and attention to detail, the message found in Proverbs 14:15 & 18 also hit home. It reads: "A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps...The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge." A crown of knowledge? Now, that sounds like something fit for a daughter of the King!

Closing Thought:

If you've been struggling with remembering important details, dates and other facts, set aside some time to pray that God will bless your mind and help you to pay attention to--and remember--them. If your mind wanders during conversations with others, meetings, etc., ask God to help you stay focused so that you won't become distracted or disinterested. Additionally, don't hesitate to employ such tools as notebooks, calendars, or special computer programs to help you keep vital information at your fingertips and at the forefront of your mind. If you pray for God's wisdom regarding how you should deal with this concern, He'll give it to you.

Verse of Encouragement:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5, NIV)

Are You Living Life Deliberately?--Part One

2008-07-02T17:22:00.000-05:00

I was tired of being asked, "Why are you so slow?" and "How could you leave your checkbook at home again?" Why? Because these types of questions highlighted the fact that I had messed up again. Basically, they were beginning to negatively impact my self-esteem.

While inquiries like this from relatives or friends would be bad enough, mine actually came from someone I spent even more time with--myself! Fortunately, one of the last times I entered into one of those periods of personal interrogation something different happened. Instead of the questions chipping away at my self-esteem, they led me to a place of reflection where I uncovered the source of my scattered thinking: I was not living life deliberately.

To live life deliberately means to live it "with full awareness of the nature and consequences of our actions, motives and decisions." I believe we're most capable of living a life in which we maximize the gifts and opportunities God gives us--and are able to experience the type of peace and sense of productivity that comes from Him--when we're keenly aware of how we're living.

For me, such things as procrastination, cruising on autopilot, waiting for things to happen (rather than making them happen), and being wasteful kept me from living life deliberately. If you, too, have been struggling with some of the same habits or hindrances, please read on. I'd like to share with you some tips you may find helpful.

Whether you're 20-something or 40-ish, married or single, a corporate executive or a work-from-home parent, you've probably had moments in your life when you procrastinated and put off doing something you knew you needed to do. But, don't worry. You're not the first person to be guilty of procrastinating. Just turn to the book of Joshua in the bible.

It is there that we learn that seven of the Israelite tribes who were to receive the land promised to them by God put off conquering--and taking possession of--their land. In Chapter 18, verse 3, Joshua asks them, "How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your fathers, has given you?" God had already given them all the instructions they needed for success; their next step was simply to obey his command.

We may not be hesitating to move into a spread of land promised to us, but if we let such feelings as fear, self-doubt, or laziness keep us from doing what we know is right in a given situation, we could be delaying receipt of other types of blessings. If we truly want to live full, productive lives, we must get out of the habit of playing catch-up and move ahead with whatever marching orders we've received from God.

Closing Thought:

If you've been putting off doing something that you know is right, don't wait. Decide today that you'll turn to God for guidance and direction about how to handle the situation or circumstance and that you'll seek His courage, strength and peace as you carry out your plans.

Verse of Encouragement:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)