7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part Two

The second tip I'd like to offer to anyone wanting to sharpen their relationship with their spouse is have fun with them. Many married women and men, not to mention experts on the subject of marriage, believe this is key to maintaining a healthy, vibrant relationship. One person that seems to feel this way is author and MOPS speaker Lorilee Craker.

In her book, Date Night In A Minivan, that was released earlier this year, Craker offers a variety of tips geared toward helping husbands and wives reclaim the relationship they had before their children arrived. And, one of the suggestions she included was "do something you love together."

According to Craker, she and her husband are quite different. She's a left-handed city girl from Canada who enjoys romantic movies, musicals and hockey, while he's a right-handed, American-born outdoorsman that likes action films, plays, and football. However, they both like rock 'n roll music.

Although she and her husband don't tend to favor the same recording artists, their appreciation of this type of music is "a communal passion" that Craker says they love to pursue together. It's the reason behind their trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and has been the motivation behind many CD purchases for one another. Craker is also an entertainment reporter for a local publication and her husband often has the opportunity to accompany her when she attends concerts. It's during the drive home after some of these shows that Craker says she and her husband have enjoyed some of their "closest times."

Closing Thoughts:

Do you and your spouse currently have any common interests or activities that you enjoy doing together? If not, it's time that you find some. To get your started on your way, I've drafted a short list of ideas for you to consider:

Play outside together. No, I'm not saying you should chase your spouse around your yard (not unless the two of you think that would be fun). I'm simply encouraging you to think of activities that you could do together outdoors. You could go for a walk at the local park, ride bikes together, play miniature golf or visit an amusement park. Spending time outdoors gives husbands and wives a chance to enjoy God's creation while enriching their relationship with their spouse.

Take lessons together. If you've ever wanted to learn something new or hone existing skills, why not see if your spouse will join you? You could take dance or music lessons together at your local community college or university. Or, you could sign up for an art or gourmet cooking class at a nearby neighborhood recreation center. Many couples find studying--and practicing what they've learned--together a lot of fun.

Start a club together. You and your spouse may want to consider starting a club with other couples you know that share a common interest, such as a love of books, traveling, bible study, etc. You could come up with discussion points and agree to meet monthly at a mutually-decided upon location (e.g., your home, a local restaurant or library, etc.). So, this activity could edify your marriage and create new--or deeper--friendships with couples you know.

Attend a marriage conference/retreat together. If you've never been to a marriage event, I encourage you to try to attend one in the very near future. I know you and your spouse will be blessed by the topics covered and by the chance to spend some uninterrupted time together. And, if you've gone to one in the past, it may be time for a little refresher. Vince and I have attended a few conferences and seminars in the past--and even helped coordinate a couple of workshops at the church we used to attend--and we've always walked away from these experiences feeling even closer than we already did.

If none of these ideas interest you, I encourage you to work with your spouse to come up with your own list of fun activities. (And, after writing this, I'm reminded of the fact that Vince and I need to work on ours, too!) Isn't that what friends do when they want to spend time with one another? The key is simply to keep in mind that your goal is to have more fun with your spouse, your best friend.

Scripture of Encouragement:

"This is my lover, this is my friend..." (Song of Solomon 5:13b, NIV)

7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse-Part One

The post on marriage that I promised a while back is finally here!

I pray that, for those of you that are married, something contained in this piece will speak to you and enable you to make your existing marriage even better than it is. And, if any of you are engaged to be married, I pray that you will take away at least one tip that you'll commit to focusing on as you prepare to spend a lifetime with the love of your life.

While I could've included many more tips aimed at fine-tuning or sharpening one's marriage, I put a lot of thought--maybe even too much thought :)--into selecting seven that I believe I (or my husband, Vince) have personally tried to put into practice. And, to help you remember each of them, I made sure that the first word of each suggestion starts with one of the letters found in the word "sharpen."

(FYI, I intentionally used the word "spouse" throughout the post rather than "husband" in the event that you decide to share this with yours. Who knows? This may even lay a foundation for shared devotional time dedicated to the discussion of marriage or serve as a discussion starter on your next date night.)

The first tip is serve your spouse.

The belief that my husband, Vince, had a servant's heart is one of the first things that attracted me to him. I came to believe this about him at the end of one of the dates we had early in our relationship. I think we had just returned from having brunch at what later became one of our favorite after-church hangouts. We were sitting in his car in front of my house when he did something that totally shocked me. No, he didn't kiss me. He asked if he could pray with me about our relationship.

I'd dated a few guys prior to meeting Vince, but none of them had ever asked if they could pray with me...about anything. As if that weren't enough reason to make me start falling for him, he asked God to help him serve me. I almost couldn't pay attention to the rest of the prayer because, despite the fact that many of my relatives and friends were Christians like I was, I didn't remember ever hearing anyone pray that God would help them serve another person.

After dating for a while, we fell in love. Soon after that, we got engaged. Being the planner that I am, I began to search out books I thought would help us prepare for marriage. One of the books I came across was titled Called Together: A Marriage Preparation Workbook. Written by Steve and Mary Prokopchak, it's a must-have for any couple that desires to lay--or maintain (if they're already married)--a biblical foundation for their marriage.

One section of the book contains an exercise that enables couples to take a look at the three types of love: eros (sensual); phileo (brotherly); and agape (self-giving). It is the latter type that enables married people to serve their spouse. The Prokopchak's say that agape love is "a love that endures even when another person becomes unlovable" and is "like God's love, self-sacrificing and other-centered." In other words, it enables you to serve your spouse even when you feel like they don't deserve to be served.

Closing Thoughts:

So, how does one accomplish this from day to day? By identifying our spouse's needs and interests and putting them ahead of our own from time to time.

For example, when Vince is on his way home from a long day at work, he'll call me to see if I need for him to pick up something from the store, knowing that I'd probably had at least a couple of opportunities to do the same thing during the day. (He may also do this to keep himself from having to go back out later. Just kidding, honey.) Or, when I'm grocery shopping, I may buy a package of sushi or container of flan even though they weren't on my list (and you couldn't pay me enough to eat either) just because I know he enjoys them so much.

Here's another way to think about it: you can serve your spouse by simply doing something for them that they always handle on their own. For example, if they always iron their own clothes or drop them off at the cleaners, take on this responsibility every now and then. You know your spouse's needs, responsibilities, concerns, strengths and challenges better than anyone else. So, only you can know for sure how to best serve your spouse.

Just try every day to do at least one thing that shows your spouse that you're glad they're in your life. And, during those times that you don't really feel this way, pray that God will help you to feel that gladness again and bless your spouse by serving them anyway. I wonder how many times God has been disappointed with our behavior or attitude and blessed us anyway.

Scripture of Encouragement:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)

Announcing...The Return Of My Blog

After a brief sabbatical, my Fruit Of The Spirit Woman blog will return very soon.

Much to my surprise, I just haven't felt like writing much lately. And, rather than posting something here that I'd later consider substandard, I decided to wait until I felt I had a clear message to share with you. Now it seems I have a lot to say!

For starters, I've been working on the marriage piece that I promised to write. It is titled 7 Ways To Sharpen Your Relationship With Your Spouse. It will probably be divided into two parts, the first of which will be published in my next blog.

Additionally, with the recent passing of two of my cousins in less than a week's time, I've also been thinking a lot about the importance of staying connected with the people that God has placed in our lives to be our relatives. I'm still processing all of the various emotions, thoughts, and questions that surfaced recently, so I'm not sure how I'll tackle this topic. But, I do pray and hope that the blogs that emerge from these experiences will bless you.

In the meantime, I'd like to offer these words of encouragement to anyone who's reading this and feeling overwhelmed by what's going on in their life right now: God cares for you. So, don't try to manage or handle things on your own. Do as the Bible instructs us to do in I Peter 5:7 and "cast all your cares" upon him. The words of a Gospel song that my sister sang at the latter of the two funerals we recently attended titled "He Cares" serve as an excellent reminder of this:

So, you think that you can't make it through?
And you feel like all hope is gone?
Just remember that God cares for you.
And, he knows just what's best for you.
He cares...he cares for you!

Yes, he really does care for you...and so do I.